Sunday, November 9th, 2014 – 358 Days after leukemia diagnosis – Pre-Transplant

The last few weeks have been pretty intense. I can’t hard to put into words exactly how intense. My best description is, it feels like we are sitting in a locked room with a ticking time bomb waiting for someone to come save us.  We handle all of this extremely well considering, but it’s not easy.

There has been A LOT of waiting by the phone, a lot of wondering what’s next, a lot of worrying and what ifs, a lot of other people asking questions we don’t know how to answer and a lot of planning for something we can’t even plan for.

Yesterday there was a lot of discussion about where we are going to live. Short-term rentals in Ottawa range from $1800 – $3000/month +!! Being Kevin’s primary caregiver, my main concern is being as close to the hospital as we possibly can. Like I’m ready to ask some friends that own an RV if we can borrow it and park the sucker on the Ottawa General Hospital property! That would solve a lot of headache and stress, don’tcha think? LOL  I told Kevin that we would probably make the news and once we told them our story, about having to worry about the extra added costs of LIVING when he’s fighting for his life, chances are they would show some compassion and just let us stay put. The only thing that sucks is that it’s going to be winter! Otherwise, I just might try that stunt. I know, it probably wouldn’t work, but hey… it’s worth a try.

Okay, back to why being so close to the hospital is such a concern and so important to me…. I’m going to have to drive him back and forth to the Bone Marrow Transplant treatment centre every single day for 4-6 weeks and then 1-3 days a week for about 3 months after that. I’m NOT a good winter driver. Not at all. It is one of my greatest fears. Snow and ice on the roads might as well be a weapon of mass destruction staring me in the face when I’m driving. Yes, I still drive in those conditions, cautiously, and I will do it, but I know that I will also be a nervous wreck half the time because of Kevin’s condition and circumstances. It wouldn’t be easy to drive him in the best of road conditions!

So, yesterday I had a teeny tiny meltdown about everyone taking into consideration the fact that I need to drive to the hospital. At the same time I felt like a selfish a-hole for even making others worry about it.  Well, Kevin grabbed me, gave me a great big hug with his awesome giant arms and said, “Don’t worry about it, I know it’s important. Everything is going to be okay. Let’s just enjoy today and not worry about all of that stuff. It will all work out.” – SAY WHAT?! Them’s MY LINES and I told him that. I also said that I thought I should have more of these meltdowns, because he would probably have less. – I wouldn’t do it, but I might resort to it when he’s close to rock bottom! 😉

MY LINE

The rest of the day was drama free, although Kevin was and still is extremely tired and weak. He’s still hanging in there. The moral of this story… You know you have NAILED cancer caregiving when they return the care and the respect and the words that come out of your mouth every day. That’s when you know you’re doing it right!

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